1
00:00:42,293 --> 00:00:45,078
- I wish Rodney was still working with you.
- So do I.

2
00:00:45,404 --> 00:00:49,583
- All them suitcases give me backache.
- And your moanings are giving me heartache.

3
00:00:50,009 --> 00:00:53,662
- I fought for this country
- Did ya? How did you get on?

4
00:00:55,181 --> 00:00:57,072
What are we waiting for?

5
00:00:58,994 --> 00:01:01,351
I'll tell you what we're waiting for.

6
00:01:01,755 --> 00:01:07,628
Security people change shifts at 12 o'clock
and the new lot always start on the bottom floor.

7
00:01:07,788 --> 00:01:10,572
which gives us the chance to flog up
here on the top floor.

8
00:01:11,048 --> 00:01:13,756
Now come on, pick it up.
Chop chop, off you go.

9
00:01:13,995 --> 00:01:16,579
What you got in that suitcase, then?
Hooky gear?

10
00:01:17,588 --> 00:01:24,216
How dare you! I don't deal in stuff like that,
well, not since I met Raquel.

11
00:01:24,413 --> 00:01:26,999
I wouldn't get her involved in anything like that.

12
00:01:27,692 --> 00:01:29,322
So what you worried about?

13
00:01:29,529 --> 00:01:34,147
I'll tell you what I'm worried about.
I am an unlicensed trader.

14
00:01:35,235 --> 00:01:41,595
Many many moons ago a local magistrate and I
had a sort of misunderstanding.

15
00:01:41,765 --> 00:01:43,420
And he took the law into his own hands

16
00:01:43,551 --> 00:01:47,339
and banned every council in London
from issuing me with a trader's licence.

17
00:01:47,374 --> 00:01:49,430
So now I've gotta flog where and when I can.

18
00:01:50,003 --> 00:01:52,300
Well can I go an' get something to eat?

19
00:01:52,477 --> 00:01:55,640
No you cannot,
you're gonna be my lookout!

20
00:01:55,805 --> 00:01:58,061
Anyway, Raquel's gonna make us something to eat
when we get home.

21
00:01:58,096 --> 00:02:00,126
But I'm hungry now!

22
00:02:05,997 --> 00:02:07,914
Go an' get us
a couple of hamburgers, will you?

23
00:02:07,949 --> 00:02:14,782
No thank you. I'm taking no chances.
Say I caught mad cow disease!

24
00:02:14,959 --> 00:02:17,613
Don't worry about that!
Who the hell is gonna notice?

25
00:02:53,769 --> 00:02:54,889
Michelle.

26
00:03:06,573 --> 00:03:09,435
Are you going to the hamburger bar
in the precinct during your lunch hour?

27
00:03:09,470 --> 00:03:10,909
No.

28
00:03:13,386 --> 00:03:17,553
Michelle, you're new here and I don't think
you've fully caught the gist of my question.

29
00:03:17,985 --> 00:03:25,065
You see, I'm the head of the computer section
and you are the secretary to the head of the computer section.

30
00:03:25,321 --> 00:03:29,829
So when the head of the computer section
asks the secretary to the head of the computer section

31
00:03:29,864 --> 00:03:34,980
whether she's going to the hamburger bar in the precinct,
what the head of the computer section is saying,

32
00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:39,299
is 'Go to the hamburger bar in the precinct
during your lunch hour

33
00:03:39,334 --> 00:03:42,883
because the head of the computer section
is starving bloody hungry!'

34
00:03:43,358 --> 00:03:45,386
You want me to go to the hamburger bar?

35
00:03:45,543 --> 00:03:52,418
Yes, if it's not too much trouble. I fancy like the juiciest,
greasiest hamburger they got on offer.

36
00:03:52,576 --> 00:03:55,693
Mr Coleman from Classic Curtains
is coming to see you in a little while.

37
00:03:55,864 --> 00:04:00,974
Yes, I know. That's why I cannot get out
during the lunch hour and need food bringing in.

38
00:04:01,167 --> 00:04:06,170
No, what I'm trying to say is,
do you want to invite Mr Coleman, an important client,

39
00:04:06,205 --> 00:04:10,277
into an office that stinks to high heaven
of fried onions and grease?

40
00:04:10,469 --> 00:04:12,655
Michelle, my office...

41
00:04:18,733 --> 00:04:23,525
Thanks very much, Michelle.
You carry on with whatever you're doing.

42
00:04:24,943 --> 00:04:29,325
They look very nice.
You'd make Freddy Kruger dead jealous.

43
00:04:35,444 --> 00:04:40,775
- Raquel! How you doing?
- Hi, Rodney!

44
00:04:40,967 --> 00:04:42,393
Fancy a coffee?

45
00:04:42,584 --> 00:04:44,229
I've got to get this stuff home.

46
00:04:44,422 --> 00:04:46,614
Come in, I'll get one of
the drivers to give you a lift.

47
00:04:46,649 --> 00:04:49,679
- You sure?
- Of course. I'll get the kettle on.

48
00:04:53,624 --> 00:04:57,605
She's got bags of food!
I'll mug her.

49
00:05:01,759 --> 00:05:04,105
- You ready then?
- No, no, no.

50
00:05:06,278 --> 00:05:08,071
Selling is all about timing.

51
00:05:09,625 --> 00:05:14,134
Haven't you seen one of them nature programmes
on the BBC, with that Richard Attenborough,

52
00:05:14,169 --> 00:05:23,694
where a lion is lying in the undergrowth,
watching as a flock of antelopes go by? Well they...

53
00:05:25,248 --> 00:05:32,289
...they are my antelopes. And like the lion,
I know when the time is right.

54
00:05:32,872 --> 00:05:36,886
I instinctively know the optimum moment
in which to make my move.

55
00:05:37,307 --> 00:05:41,532
And then, and only then,
will I strike.

56
00:05:44,700 --> 00:05:45,902
During the war...

57
00:05:45,937 --> 00:05:52,613
Right, here we go then!
You get to your lookout position over there.

58
00:05:53,146 --> 00:05:54,707
And what d'you want me to do?

59
00:05:55,106 --> 00:05:57,605
What d'you mean, 'What do I want you to do?'

60
00:05:57,984 --> 00:06:00,999
You're a lookout, don't you?
You look out, don't ya?

61
00:06:01,180 --> 00:06:05,152
I meant, if I see the security blokes
coming what shall I say?

62
00:06:05,341 --> 00:06:07,958
I don't particularly mind what you say.

63
00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:14,105
You can say 'there she blows,
ship ahoy or man overboard' for all I care.

64
00:06:14,465 --> 00:06:16,431
As long as I don't get my collar felt.

65
00:06:17,593 --> 00:06:22,523
Stone me, this 'hands-on management'
gives me the right 'ump sometimes!

66
00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:27,135
Here, get that up here.
We should do alright with this stuff.

67
00:06:27,287 --> 00:06:30,866
They'll be falling over themselves
to get this top quality gear.

68
00:06:34,708 --> 00:06:39,024
Yeah, thanks a lot. Give us about ten minutes
'cause she's just finishing her coffee.

69
00:06:41,107 --> 00:06:43,512
- Your van awaits.
- Oh thanks.

70
00:06:43,669 --> 00:06:45,788
So you and Del are still
coming round for dinner next week?

71
00:06:45,823 --> 00:06:47,709
So long as it's still alright
with you and Cassandra.

72
00:06:47,744 --> 00:06:51,510
Yeah, we're looking forward to it.
Sorry it's taken so long to invite you.

73
00:06:51,846 --> 00:06:53,613
We're always gonna pop round
and say hello.

74
00:06:53,648 --> 00:06:56,082
Cause Del said you was back in town and liv...

75
00:06:58,472 --> 00:07:04,024
staying at the flat with him...
and Albert. When'd you get back?

76
00:07:04,186 --> 00:07:08,075
A couple of weeks ago. I was over in America,
having a great time when I suddenly thought...

77
00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:10,468
Hold on, you was in America?

78
00:07:10,661 --> 00:07:12,343
- Didn't Del say?
- No.

79
00:07:12,378 --> 00:07:16,957
Oh it was wonderful. We were doing this tour
of My Fair Lady down the East coast.

80
00:07:17,230 --> 00:07:19,712
- I was the flower-seller.
- Cosmic!

81
00:07:21,759 --> 00:07:24,803
Very cheap and cheerful
but I was seeing the world and getting paid.

82
00:07:25,008 --> 00:07:33,279
We did Atlantic City, Miami, New Orleans.
Then suddenly I got this sort of urge to come home.

83
00:07:33,314 --> 00:07:35,584
- To Del?
- Yes, to Del.

84
00:07:35,761 --> 00:07:41,704
I wouldn't come home from New Orleans to see Del!
I wouldn't come home from the New Forest to see Del!

85
00:07:42,339 --> 00:07:45,408
Oh, you don't see him the way I do.
He's lovely.

86
00:07:45,582 --> 00:07:50,263
There are many words I could use
to describe Derek Trotter but lovely is not one of them...

87
00:07:52,294 --> 00:07:53,789
How's the old sod keeping?

88
00:07:53,824 --> 00:07:59,322
He's fine. He seems, I don't know,
quieter than when I first met him.

89
00:07:59,357 --> 00:08:06,281
Del? Raquel, some years ago
Del went to a monastery and took a vow of loudness!

90
00:08:07,270 --> 00:08:15,067
Oh that's not fair. He has changed.
He's not so loud and brash as he used to be.

91
00:08:15,102 --> 00:08:20,193
Right. Gather round. You all know the game,
the crusader against inflation,

92
00:08:20,228 --> 00:08:22,307
with another bargain of a lifetime!

93
00:08:22,484 --> 00:08:28,736
This magnificent little doll here would probably
cost you 35 pounds up there in Oxford Street,

94
00:08:29,304 --> 00:08:35,186
But you know my motto. My motto is:
'West End goods at Southend prices'.

95
00:08:36,570 --> 00:08:40,739
If I offered you this little doll here for 10 pounds

96
00:08:40,774 --> 00:08:44,533
you'd probably rip my arm off at the elbow
to get at it, wouldn't you?

97
00:08:44,688 --> 00:08:47,572
But I'll tell you what 'm gonna do.
Because I'm in a festive mood

98
00:08:47,607 --> 00:08:51,390
I'm gonna let you have this doll
at rock bottom bargain price.

99
00:08:51,391 --> 00:08:55,117
I'm not gonna ask you for 10 quid.
I'm not gonna ask you for 8 quid.

100
00:08:55,152 --> 00:09:01,375
What I'm gonna ask you for is �7.50.
Come on, first come, first served. I haven't got many.

101
00:09:04,494 --> 00:09:08,011
What is the matter with you people?
Don't you see a bargain when you see one?

102
00:09:08,198 --> 00:09:13,038
This is not youe foreign rubbish, you know,
this is hand-made in Great Britain.

103
00:09:13,507 --> 00:09:17,711
The British toy industry reckon
this is the most life-like dolls they'd ever seen in their life.

104
00:09:17,712 --> 00:09:20,083
And I'll prove it to you.
Look at this.

105
00:09:20,279 --> 00:09:22,647
Here it is, a genuine little
baby bottle.

106
00:09:22,884 --> 00:09:28,911
You can feed her from the bottle,
she wets herself, she laughs, she cries.

107
00:09:29,060 --> 00:09:34,370
And if you keep her 'til she's 13
she breaks out in acne and wants to go to Bros concerts!

108
00:09:34,827 --> 00:09:41,243
Would I lie to you? I'll show you something else.
Another little feature of this wonderful toy.

109
00:09:41,649 --> 00:09:46,145
She will even sing a little lullaby
to put herself to sleep Just listen to this.

110
00:09:55,516 --> 00:09:59,357
He's having a lot of trouble
with the exhaust pipe on the van. It's got a hole in it.

111
00:09:59,602 --> 00:10:03,492
Oh that's a shame.
The exhaust is the only decent thing on it.

112
00:10:08,294 --> 00:10:11,044
So how are things with you and Cassandra?

113
00:10:12,402 --> 00:10:13,522
How d'you mean?

114
00:10:13,543 --> 00:10:17,501
- I mean are you both well?
- Yeah, great!

115
00:10:18,121 --> 00:10:25,031
- Is Cassandra still studying hard for promotion?
- Yes. She's still a very ambitious lady.

116
00:10:25,229 --> 00:10:29,796
- So married life suits you?
- Yeah.

117
00:10:32,635 --> 00:10:34,875
Come on then, what's Del been saying?

118
00:10:35,430 --> 00:10:42,418
He hasn't said anything, honest! Well, alright,
he mentioned that you'd had a couple of rows.

119
00:10:42,747 --> 00:10:45,714
Once when you upset Cassandra's boss
and his wife.

120
00:10:45,749 --> 00:10:49,244
That was nothing!
It was a misunderstanding.

121
00:10:49,279 --> 00:10:52,296
Three minutes after it happened
we was all laughing about it!

122
00:10:52,331 --> 00:10:56,234
- Del said she chucked you out.
- Only for a couple of days.

123
00:10:57,619 --> 00:11:00,837
Then another time Cassandra
went back to her parents.

124
00:11:00,872 --> 00:11:05,679
Yes. But that was nothing either!
Really. We're happy.

125
00:11:05,714 --> 00:11:09,732
That's what I wanted to say to you.
I know it's none of my business, Rodney,

126
00:11:09,767 --> 00:11:16,256
it's just that I've had a marriage break up
and I know how these things can start.

127
00:11:17,032 --> 00:11:20,328
A lot of people think a marriage
comes complete with gift-wrapping.

128
00:11:21,153 --> 00:11:26,808
But it doesn't, it comes in kit-form,
you've got to work at it.

129
00:11:27,758 --> 00:11:32,820
Excuse me, Rodney, I've just noticed
we're doing more of this cheap printing for Del!

130
00:11:32,855 --> 00:11:35,174
We are not running a charity organisation.

131
00:11:35,814 --> 00:11:36,852
Excuse me...

132
00:11:36,887 --> 00:11:41,911
Alan. Let me introduce you.
Raquel, this is Alan, my boss and father-in-law...

133
00:11:42,328 --> 00:11:46,270
- 'Cause he's Cassy's Dad.
- Yeah, I figured that out, Rodney.

134
00:11:47,503 --> 00:11:54,292
Alan, this is Raquel.
Her and Del liv... her and Del... are friends.

135
00:11:54,327 --> 00:11:57,751
Yes, he's told me all about you.
You're and actress, aren't you?

136
00:11:57,786 --> 00:12:00,039
Well, some people say that,
others tell the truth.

137
00:12:00,074 --> 00:12:04,500
Oh come on, Del speaks very highly of your talents.
We'll have to go out to dinner one evening, all of us.

138
00:12:04,868 --> 00:12:06,026
Look forward to it.

139
00:12:06,061 --> 00:12:09,030
I've gotta dash, because
I'm meeting someone for lunch.

140
00:12:09,065 --> 00:12:13,188
We're going to try that new Chinese place down
by the arches, they say the food's out of this world.

141
00:12:13,933 --> 00:12:15,267
Good!

142
00:12:15,302 --> 00:12:20,381
Just keep a closer eye on things. Rodney.
This cheap-printing is very good for some people.

143
00:12:20,416 --> 00:12:24,841
Unfortunately, it's not for us.
See you again, Raquel.

144
00:12:29,157 --> 00:12:30,762
I'd better be going too.

145
00:12:34,793 --> 00:12:37,696
Why don't you pop in on your way
home from work this evening?

146
00:12:37,731 --> 00:12:39,843
Del hasn't seen you for ages.

147
00:12:42,890 --> 00:12:46,909
I'm doing roast chicken,
jacket potatoes, all the trimmings.

148
00:12:49,533 --> 00:12:51,581
There'll be plenty there if you're peckish.

149
00:12:52,581 --> 00:12:54,986
Na. I'll better take a raincheck on it.

150
00:12:55,190 --> 00:12:59,227
I've got my route timed
to avoid the traffic on the one-way system.

151
00:12:59,694 --> 00:13:02,584
Some other time, eh?
The driver's waiting for you out there.

152
00:13:02,619 --> 00:13:08,970
OK. Give my love to Cassy. Bye.

153
00:13:12,092 --> 00:13:14,850
Roast chicken and all the trimmings!

154
00:13:37,722 --> 00:13:39,787
It's Mr Coleman from...

155
00:13:44,604 --> 00:13:46,145
Hi.

156
00:13:58,252 --> 00:13:59,639
You're late this evening.

157
00:13:59,674 --> 00:14:02,990
Yeah, I got stuck in traffic jam
on the one-way system.

158
00:14:03,769 --> 00:14:06,488
Something smells good. I'm starving.

159
00:14:06,523 --> 00:14:10,040
I just did myself one of those
ready-made meals in the microwave.

160
00:14:12,127 --> 00:14:13,829
Well, I'm starving.

161
00:14:18,903 --> 00:14:20,955
There's plenty in the freezer.

162
00:14:20,990 --> 00:14:22,632
Good!

163
00:14:23,664 --> 00:14:27,083
- What a very clean oven we've got!
- Sorry?

164
00:14:27,389 --> 00:14:31,510
I was just remarking how amazingly clean
one can keep these new modern ovens!

165
00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:34,438
Especially when one never
bloody cooks in them!

166
00:14:38,207 --> 00:14:39,956
- You're going out?
- Yeah.

167
00:14:41,075 --> 00:14:46,847
That'll make a nice change, won't it?
What's it tonight? The bank's final exams?

168
00:14:47,017 --> 00:14:53,838
The bank's annual cheese and wine orgy?
The bank's annual yoga and target practise course?

169
00:14:54,042 --> 00:14:57,823
- I'm playing badminton!
- Oh, I see. Where?

170
00:14:58,040 --> 00:14:59,945
The bank's sports club.

171
00:15:01,119 --> 00:15:05,224
You go an' enjoy yourself, Cass.
I've got a busy evening planned as well.

172
00:15:05,445 --> 00:15:09,420
I'm gonna sit and read the bank's pamphlet
on our joint pension policy!

173
00:15:09,455 --> 00:15:12,272
Oh, God! Here we go again!
Alright, what's wrong this time?

174
00:15:12,307 --> 00:15:15,343
With me? What could
possibly be wrong with me?

175
00:15:15,378 --> 00:15:20,000
If you don't stop being so childish, I swear one of these days
I'll smother you with your comfort blanket!

176
00:15:20,035 --> 00:15:25,017
Me childish? You're the one who's got a bit of
growing up to do, Cassandra!

177
00:15:26,745 --> 00:15:31,270
When are you gonna realise you've got a marriage,
you've got a home, and you've got me!

178
00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:32,765
I never forget that, Roddy!

179
00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:36,452
I never see you.
You just use this flat like a base-camp!

180
00:15:36,487 --> 00:15:39,656
You zoom in and out of here
like a blue-bottle with the runs!

181
00:15:40,921 --> 00:15:44,444
I've had double-glazing salesmen
spend more time in here than you!

182
00:15:44,628 --> 00:15:49,942
- Well, whatever turns you on!
- And what's that supposed to mean?

183
00:15:50,197 --> 00:15:55,374
- Look, Rodney, I like to keep myself busy.
- But you're always out on your own!

184
00:15:55,409 --> 00:15:57,765
Because you never want to go
anywhere with me!

185
00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:01,183
I've asked you before to come to badminton
but you always refuse.

186
00:16:01,218 --> 00:16:06,755
Because I don't relish the idea of spending
the entire evening whacking a dead budgie over a net!

187
00:16:07,532 --> 00:16:13,183
Besides, all our social occasions
are in some way or another tied to the bank!

188
00:16:13,384 --> 00:16:15,894
You resent me pursuing a career,
don't you?

189
00:16:15,929 --> 00:16:19,895
No, I admire anyone who
wants to advance themselves.

190
00:16:19,930 --> 00:16:22,868
But your idea on advancement
come straight out of Rommel's

191
00:16:22,903 --> 00:16:26,521
'A Thousand and One Things
Every Good Panzer General Should Know'!

192
00:16:26,556 --> 00:16:29,324
It's relentless Cass! It's Blitzkrieg!

193
00:16:29,359 --> 00:16:33,820
Roddy, I am not trying to advance my career.
I am still trying to make up lost ground!

194
00:16:33,855 --> 00:16:36,405
You of all people should understand that!

195
00:16:37,300 --> 00:16:44,320
I have in some way interrupted Operation Cassandra?
And what is exactly I'm supposed to have done?

196
00:16:44,355 --> 00:16:45,782
Oh, it's just little things.

197
00:16:45,817 --> 00:16:50,042
Like that day my boss, Stephen, and his wife
came round and you punched him in the face!

198
00:16:50,392 --> 00:16:54,852
- Oh, we're still on about that, are we?
- You broke his nose!

199
00:16:54,887 --> 00:17:01,619
Broke it! I never broke it!
Tiny, hairline fracture, that's all!

200
00:17:01,914 --> 00:17:06,473
Anyway, it was a long time ago
and I've apologised a thousand times for it.

201
00:17:06,508 --> 00:17:10,704
I know you have and I'm perfectly willing
to be understanding - as long as you are.

202
00:17:11,092 --> 00:17:13,179
Cass, how can I put this?

203
00:17:13,380 --> 00:17:18,571
It seems a ridiculous thing for a husband
to have to say to his wife, but I'd like to see more of you.

204
00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:21,953
The only time we're really together
is when we're lying in bed.

205
00:17:21,988 --> 00:17:23,710
With our backs to each other!

206
00:17:23,745 --> 00:17:25,494
That's only because you
turn your back on me!

207
00:17:25,529 --> 00:17:26,442
You started it!

208
00:17:26,477 --> 00:17:33,025
I did not! And why is it whenever we have a dinner party
we have to invite your family and your friends?

209
00:17:33,060 --> 00:17:34,870
We invite your friends as well!

210
00:17:34,905 --> 00:17:38,539
Name me one occasion, just one,
where I had my mates round here.

211
00:17:38,574 --> 00:17:42,124
Last month Mickey Pearce and Jevon
and their girlfriends came round for the evening.

212
00:17:42,159 --> 00:17:43,951
I've apologised for that.

213
00:17:44,781 --> 00:17:47,747
And next week you've invited
your brother and Raquel round for dinner.

214
00:17:47,782 --> 00:17:49,968
I've apologised for that as well.

215
00:17:50,309 --> 00:17:53,310
Look, we always said
if we had problem with our marriage

216
00:17:53,345 --> 00:17:56,730
we would sit down
and discuss it in a mature and adult way.

217
00:17:56,765 --> 00:18:01,184
Fine. Let's sit down and discuss it
in a mature and adult way.

218
00:18:03,568 --> 00:18:06,466
- Well, you can start.
- No, you carry on.

219
00:18:06,501 --> 00:18:08,631
No, please, I'd like to hear what
you have to say.

220
00:18:08,666 --> 00:18:12,596
- You started it, Roddy, so you go...
- I didn't start anything!

221
00:18:12,631 --> 00:18:14,453
You're the one who came
home in a mood!

222
00:18:14,488 --> 00:18:18,405
I didn't have a mood until I came home
and realised there was nothing for me to eat. Again!

223
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:21,682
Oh I see! That's what this is really all about!

224
00:18:21,717 --> 00:18:24,566
I'm supposed to be the little wife
who has the dinner on the table

225
00:18:24,601 --> 00:18:27,200
waiting for Rodney to come back
from the time-warp!

226
00:18:27,235 --> 00:18:32,785
This is not 1933, and the sooner you realise that
the sooner you'll stop being so bloody childish!

227
00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:38,040
Cass, if you could avert your gaze from the exotica
of the banking world for one moment,

228
00:18:38,075 --> 00:18:43,757
you would realise, as so many women in Peckham realise,
that there is nothing childish about Rodney Trotter!

229
00:18:43,973 --> 00:18:48,741
And they would appreciate having a young,
vibrant, successful bloke like me about.

230
00:18:48,984 --> 00:18:52,717
And they'd most probably do me pie
and chips when I felt like it!

231
00:18:53,676 --> 00:18:56,243
Well why don't you go
and find one of these women?

232
00:18:58,745 --> 00:19:01,623
- Alright, I will!
- Well, go on then!

233
00:19:02,761 --> 00:19:04,198
I will!

234
00:19:05,540 --> 00:19:08,158
And take a bottle of ketchup
for your pie and chips!

235
00:19:08,193 --> 00:19:09,933
I will!

236
00:19:45,464 --> 00:19:51,497
What a meal!
'Je suis, je reste' as they say in Montpellier.

237
00:19:52,707 --> 00:19:57,505
- Does that mean good?
- Good? That is absolutely superb.

238
00:19:59,084 --> 00:20:04,216
I haven't had a meal like that
since my dear old Mum was alive. What was it again?

239
00:20:04,706 --> 00:20:06,331
It's chicken!

240
00:20:07,168 --> 00:20:09,345
I know it's chicken! But what's the dish called?

241
00:20:10,237 --> 00:20:12,801
It's called Petti di Pollo Trifolati.

242
00:20:14,330 --> 00:20:16,054
You can say what you like about the French

243
00:20:16,089 --> 00:20:19,186
but they're magic when it comes
to a saucepan and a bit of salt.

244
00:20:19,406 --> 00:20:20,983
It's Italian.

245
00:20:23,013 --> 00:20:28,952
Yeah, I know it's Italian, I was just saying
the French are good cooks and all.

246
00:20:35,058 --> 00:20:37,003
Je sui.

247
00:20:55,280 --> 00:20:57,055
To the future.

248
00:21:05,798 --> 00:21:07,212
Raquel.

249
00:21:09,374 --> 00:21:17,370
You've been here for a week or two now,
and... you know how I feel about you, don't you?

250
00:21:17,405 --> 00:21:20,331
Do I? You've never said.

251
00:21:20,563 --> 00:21:28,493
I thought it was obvious...
I mean... I really do like you...

252
00:21:30,220 --> 00:21:34,103
And... you don't have to answer this now,
if you don't want to,

253
00:21:35,492 --> 00:21:41,212
but I was wondering if you would...

254
00:21:42,635 --> 00:21:44,551
if you would...

255
00:21:48,584 --> 00:21:51,711
I've kept your dinner warm in the oven, Albert.
Is everything alright now?

256
00:21:51,746 --> 00:21:53,788
I've cut the singed bits off.

257
00:21:55,003 --> 00:21:59,129
You should never light a candle
when you've got a man with a beard in the house!

258
00:21:59,708 --> 00:22:02,934
It was your own fault. You shouldn't have leant
across the table to reach the bread!

259
00:22:02,969 --> 00:22:05,595
I've a good mind to report your beard
to the council!

260
00:22:05,630 --> 00:22:10,535
If I hadn't been a bit lively with me Liebfraumilch
we could have had a towering inferno on the rates.

261
00:22:11,585 --> 00:22:14,901
I'll eat my dinner in the kitchen,
away from that fire hazard!

262
00:22:15,753 --> 00:22:20,035
Good. And mind while you go how you get the plate
out the oven, because the gas is still on!

263
00:22:21,649 --> 00:22:25,189
- You were saying?
- Was I? Oh yes.

264
00:22:33,623 --> 00:22:40,900
- You see, you're a woman...
- Thank you.

265
00:22:42,703 --> 00:22:50,988
And I'm a man.
And, no man's an island.

266
00:22:57,163 --> 00:22:59,162
D'you understand what I'm getting at?

267
00:23:00,100 --> 00:23:01,810
No.

268
00:23:04,644 --> 00:23:10,669
Well, I just don't wanna rush things,
but I mean, would you...

269
00:23:13,401 --> 00:23:15,920
Would you consider...

270
00:23:15,955 --> 00:23:20,593
That's it, all over, kaputt!
That was her last chance!

271
00:23:20,628 --> 00:23:22,175
Good evening, Rodney!

272
00:23:22,210 --> 00:23:24,561
I have never been so
insulted in my life!

273
00:23:24,596 --> 00:23:27,501
Sit down, bruv, let me have a try!

274
00:23:29,042 --> 00:23:31,879
- What's happening?
- Rodney's left Cassandra.

275
00:23:31,914 --> 00:23:36,461
Not again! Thiat's the third time in 18 months
you two have broken up for good!

276
00:23:36,496 --> 00:23:38,700
This time it's for good!

277
00:23:39,131 --> 00:23:42,357
Does this mean our
invitation to dinner's off then?

278
00:23:42,550 --> 00:23:45,610
- Well of course it does!
- What's brought all this about?

279
00:23:45,645 --> 00:23:50,844
You will not believe this.
She accused me of being childish!

280
00:23:50,879 --> 00:23:54,191
- No?
- It's rue! Can you...

281
00:23:56,099 --> 00:23:58,269
That's my top you're throwing about there!

282
00:23:58,304 --> 00:24:00,197
Tonight was the last straw!

283
00:24:00,232 --> 00:24:03,879
Really? What's she do tonight?
Step on your Scalextrix?

284
00:24:04,442 --> 00:24:07,436
Derek, my marriage has broken up!
This is no time for sarcasm!

285
00:24:07,471 --> 00:24:09,188
Alright, Rodney, alright.

286
00:24:09,223 --> 00:24:14,888
Just calm down, finish your drink, then I'll drive you home
and we'll see if we can sort it out.

287
00:24:15,194 --> 00:24:19,970
Del you don't understand, I'm not going back.
Me and Cassy have finished - for good!

288
00:24:21,332 --> 00:24:23,881
Albert. Brandy.

289
00:24:23,916 --> 00:24:27,929
Rodney, you'll have to at least talk to her sooner or later.
There'll be things to be discussed.

290
00:24:27,964 --> 00:24:31,270
Yes, like who gets custody
of Barbie and Ken.

291
00:24:35,158 --> 00:24:37,996
This is all one big bloody joke to you, innit?

292
00:24:39,754 --> 00:24:43,244
It's just that you and Cassandra
are behaving like a couple of ten-year-olds!

293
00:24:43,431 --> 00:24:47,570
You've broken up and gone back together
more times than JR and Sue Ellen.

294
00:24:47,605 --> 00:24:51,643
Well, this time it's for good!
I'm staying here.

295
00:24:57,873 --> 00:25:02,689
Albert, you'd better go and get some blankets and pillows,
and make up a bed for Rodney on the settee.

296
00:25:03,229 --> 00:25:06,306
The settee? No, I'll kip in me old room.

297
00:25:07,361 --> 00:25:12,196
No Rodney, you can't kip in your old room
because Raquel sleeps in there.

298
00:25:12,718 --> 00:25:13,984
Sorry.

299
00:25:14,019 --> 00:25:17,754
Why's Raquel in my room?
I thought you two were...

300
00:25:22,204 --> 00:25:27,997
Excuse me a minute please, sweetheart.
Rodney! May I have a word with you in the boardroom?

301
00:25:33,492 --> 00:25:35,298
- I thought you and Raquel...
- No.

302
00:25:36,394 --> 00:25:38,492
- You mean you're not..?
- No.

303
00:25:40,345 --> 00:25:43,109
- But she's been here over a fortnight.
- I know.

304
00:25:43,810 --> 00:25:45,602
Must be a record.

305
00:25:46,683 --> 00:25:52,717
Rodney, you came storming in just at the moment
I was asking Raquel if she would be kind enough

306
00:25:52,752 --> 00:25:55,267
to consider stamping my card.

307
00:25:57,335 --> 00:25:59,764
Well you just have to settle,
to say I'm back now

308
00:25:59,799 --> 00:26:02,123
so like it or lump it, she's gotta kip with you.

309
00:26:02,158 --> 00:26:10,551
No Rodney, you don't unserstand, do you?
Raquel is a lady. And when a lady is ready to...

310
00:26:12,658 --> 00:26:17,908
- Well, when she's ready to she'll let me know.
- How?

311
00:26:21,881 --> 00:26:23,358
She'll give me a sign or something.

312
00:26:24,649 --> 00:26:26,560
Like what?

313
00:26:32,397 --> 00:26:34,030
I don't know!

314
00:26:35,101 --> 00:26:37,854
Perhaps she'll put an announcement
in the Sunday Sport.

315
00:26:40,937 --> 00:26:47,827
All I know is that until that happens you'll be kipping
on the settee, and think yourself lucky!

316
00:26:47,979 --> 00:26:53,333
Cheers mate. Anything's better than sleeping next
to a cold pair of shoulders.

317
00:26:55,752 --> 00:27:00,579
- You gonna let him stay?
- I dunno sweetheart, I do not know what to do for the best.

318
00:27:00,772 --> 00:27:02,970
Let the boy stay for a few days.

319
00:27:03,283 --> 00:27:05,924
Cor, bless Del, I was starving.

320
00:27:12,330 --> 00:27:14,975
Send him back to his wife.

321
00:27:15,391 --> 00:27:17,563
I fought a war for you.

322
00:27:43,991 --> 00:27:45,927
Look at that dipstick!

323
00:27:52,518 --> 00:27:54,464
What's he think he's playing at?

324
00:27:55,370 --> 00:27:57,583
He's had a little too much to drink,
that's all.

325
00:27:59,335 --> 00:28:06,643
Since he walked out on Cassandra, he spent
every night on the h... on the booze.

326
00:28:15,334 --> 00:28:17,357
You are worried about him, aren't you?

327
00:28:18,991 --> 00:28:25,360
Course I am. Of course I'm worried about him.
I've spent most of my life bringing him up.

328
00:28:26,567 --> 00:28:30,330
Michael Jackson's got Bubbles,
I got Rodney!

329
00:28:35,953 --> 00:28:40,720
Can we have... Excuse me...
Oi! Can we have the same again?

330
00:28:40,755 --> 00:28:43,168
This time make 'em large ones.

331
00:28:44,399 --> 00:28:50,165
- It's your round, Rodney.
- Oh yeah, I suppose it is.

332
00:28:51,002 --> 00:28:57,276
Christopher, I spy with my little eye
two ladies of the more mature variety.

333
00:29:00,833 --> 00:29:03,423
Lonely housewives out on the pull.

334
00:29:03,458 --> 00:29:07,595
- Leave me out of this.
- Yeah, we intended to, Rodney.

335
00:29:14,930 --> 00:29:18,495
- I know you from somewhere, don't I?
- I wouldn't have thought so.

336
00:29:18,530 --> 00:29:24,364
- He never forgets a face.
- Neither do I and I'd certainly remember you two!

337
00:29:25,547 --> 00:29:29,332
- Did you go to the Dockside Junior school?
- No, I didn't.

338
00:29:29,744 --> 00:29:31,288
Told you!

339
00:29:31,323 --> 00:29:34,477
He thought you was our old headmistress!

340
00:29:52,070 --> 00:29:55,995
He's lost a couple of days work
through hangovers this week already!

341
00:29:56,287 --> 00:29:58,435
What d'you mean you're
sleeping on the settee?

342
00:29:58,470 --> 00:30:03,035
It's true. Del's in his room
and Raquel's in my old room.

343
00:30:03,301 --> 00:30:05,485
I thought Del Boy and her
were living together?

344
00:30:05,651 --> 00:30:07,928
They are... sort of.

345
00:30:07,963 --> 00:30:12,286
But they're not cohabiting,
They're not co-habiting in bed.

346
00:30:12,823 --> 00:30:17,674
Del said as soon as he's
cracked the case, I can have my old room back.

347
00:30:17,709 --> 00:30:20,242
Rodney, let me give you some advice.

348
00:30:20,460 --> 00:30:24,945
I am a ladies hairstylist
and know intimately the working of the female mind.

349
00:30:24,980 --> 00:30:27,638
Yeah, 'cos he's a woofter!

350
00:30:28,406 --> 00:30:32,873
Be serious, Mickey! I hate it
when you do your Timmy Mallet impersonation!

351
00:30:33,309 --> 00:30:36,602
Rodney, why don't you go home to Cassandra?

352
00:30:36,786 --> 00:30:41,740
You had a nice flat, a good girl
and you've given it all up because of some stupid row!

353
00:30:41,775 --> 00:30:46,163
If she wants to 'phone me and apologise
then I might consider it.

354
00:30:46,198 --> 00:30:49,131
But she started it so she's gotta 'phone me first.

355
00:30:49,166 --> 00:30:52,972
What you've gotta do, Rodney,
is make Cassandra jealous.

356
00:30:53,518 --> 00:30:56,857
Yeah... Why?

357
00:30:57,484 --> 00:31:00,703
Make her think other
women find you desirable.

358
00:31:02,976 --> 00:31:05,512
Don't encourage Rodney to tell her lies!

359
00:31:05,986 --> 00:31:10,409
That's right...
What d'you mean 'lies?

360
00:31:10,665 --> 00:31:15,123
Listen to me, Rodney.
I always make a point of making women jealous.

361
00:31:17,182 --> 00:31:22,509
The only time you ever made women jealous
was the night you won the last house at bingo.

362
00:31:23,275 --> 00:31:28,458
Oh it's you, Derek!
Tell me, how's you and Raquel getting on these days?

363
00:31:29,277 --> 00:31:31,520
Teriffic! Thank you very much Mickey.

364
00:31:31,555 --> 00:31:34,177
What the bleedin hell
it's gotta do with you, I don't know.

365
00:31:34,212 --> 00:31:35,944
Just concerned.

366
00:31:37,933 --> 00:31:40,903
- You gonna buy us a drink, Del?
- Yeah alright.

367
00:31:41,249 --> 00:31:47,518
Give the lads a drink and all, will ya?
Three coca-colas.

368
00:31:49,361 --> 00:31:52,072
Rodney, a word with you.

369
00:31:55,692 --> 00:31:57,641
- There you go sweetheart.
- Thanks.

370
00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:00,545
Alright?

371
00:32:00,871 --> 00:32:03,089
Go on Rodney. Sit yourself down.

372
00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:06,500
I'll just... I won't be long.

373
00:32:11,780 --> 00:32:14,307
So, you got the exhaust on
the van sorted out?

374
00:32:14,604 --> 00:32:17,593
I booked it in for tomorrow.
You can take it down there for me.

375
00:32:17,928 --> 00:32:19,230
Me?

376
00:32:20,342 --> 00:32:25,002
You won't be going to work, will you?
Not after what you've shoved down your neck tonight.

377
00:32:26,180 --> 00:32:29,752
So when your hangover's cleared up
you can take it down there for me.

378
00:32:29,787 --> 00:32:34,913
I will be going a work tomorrow.
You can bet your last penny on that! Alright?

379
00:32:40,603 --> 00:32:43,439
You've been out every night this week
on the booze!

380
00:32:43,474 --> 00:32:44,864
I'm just seeing my mates, that's all.

381
00:32:44,899 --> 00:32:50,193
Yeah, but why are there always the same mates?
Johnny Walker and Ron Bacardi?

382
00:32:52,803 --> 00:32:55,689
You walked out
on Cassandra eight days ago.

383
00:32:56,300 --> 00:33:00,564
You've made your point bruv.
About time you went back home.

384
00:33:00,599 --> 00:33:03,608
Del, you've never even been married.
You don't know what it's like.

385
00:33:03,643 --> 00:33:07,894
No, I've mucked about
enough to have a fair idea.

386
00:33:14,811 --> 00:33:21,340
To Cassandra life is all drive and ambition.
I think she wants to rule the world.

387
00:33:21,596 --> 00:33:25,399
No, she don't.
She just wants promotion at the bank.

388
00:33:25,923 --> 00:33:31,921
Exactly! And it's that blinkerdness
that's driving away all her beautiful thoughts

389
00:33:32,286 --> 00:33:34,155
she can't see them.

390
00:33:35,164 --> 00:33:38,684
- What, you?
- Yeah.

391
00:33:39,716 --> 00:33:43,283
I'll tell you, alright?
The other day it was her birthday.

392
00:33:43,318 --> 00:33:47,082
So I bought her a pair of earrings
and a Shergal Farkey LP.

393
00:33:47,740 --> 00:33:55,166
- A Shergal what?
- Sherkal Fargey... Fergal Sharkey, the singer.

394
00:33:55,528 --> 00:34:00,829
And a pair of earrings.
They was nice earrings, but they was little.

395
00:34:01,007 --> 00:34:05,885
There were very little earrings.
They were nice, but...

396
00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:07,798
...very little!

397
00:34:08,166 --> 00:34:14,284
She has a look at 'em and and she says,
'Thanks, Rodney. Aren't they little.'

398
00:34:15,224 --> 00:34:17,037
No?

399
00:34:17,494 --> 00:34:26,259
True as I stand here, stood there.
I suppose Mummy and Daddy used to buy her big presents!

400
00:34:27,629 --> 00:34:30,128
Sometimes I wish I could meet another girl!

401
00:34:30,959 --> 00:34:35,674
In your present condition you ought to think
about joining the Lonely Kidneys Club.

402
00:34:44,911 --> 00:34:56,310
I think all and all this married life's been a bit of a let down
for young Cassandra! But I don't care!

403
00:34:58,277 --> 00:35:04,344
It's no skin off my nose, is it?
Couldn't give a monkey's toss!

404
00:35:08,415 --> 00:35:10,104
I love her, Del!

405
00:35:12,597 --> 00:35:15,388
Shut up, you tart!

406
00:35:17,914 --> 00:35:21,043
I haven't lived up to her
high expectations!

407
00:35:24,622 --> 00:35:26,670
I'm gonna have words with your wife.

408
00:35:26,705 --> 00:35:31,041
And I'm gonna tell her that size isn't important,
it's the thought that counts!

409
00:35:31,412 --> 00:35:36,518
If you get involved, Del...
What d'you mean, 'size isn't important'?

410
00:35:37,757 --> 00:35:39,368
Well, about them earrings!

411
00:35:39,596 --> 00:35:44,809
Oh sod the earrings!
God, it makes me so angry!

412
00:35:46,467 --> 00:35:49,174
I'm gonna find a little bloke
to have a fight!

413
00:35:52,748 --> 00:35:56,545
And another thing, she never cooks for me!
She's always too busy!

414
00:35:59,361 --> 00:36:04,565
- You can cook.
- Yeah, but I wanted her to do it.

415
00:36:07,027 --> 00:36:10,834
What you wanted really
is Cassandra to make a fuss of you.

416
00:36:12,406 --> 00:36:13,801
Yes!

417
00:36:13,836 --> 00:36:15,600
Sit yourself down here.

418
00:36:17,800 --> 00:36:20,823
- Look, she ain't your mum, Rodney.
- What d'you mean?

419
00:36:22,670 --> 00:36:25,635
You never knew the joy of having a mum,
did you?

420
00:36:26,779 --> 00:36:33,165
You were barely on solids
when the angels come and took her away.

421
00:36:33,200 --> 00:36:38,207
I do remember her, sort of.
But it's...misty.

422
00:36:39,588 --> 00:36:49,225
This blonde lady. She was there and then she wasn't.
Bit like the SDP really!

423
00:36:52,644 --> 00:36:57,370
D'you wanna right-hander for a nightcap?
You show some respect, Rodney!

424
00:36:57,405 --> 00:37:04,469
Del, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to bring mum in...
I'm really sorry. God, what a life, eh?

425
00:37:04,940 --> 00:37:10,634
My wife don't love me,
me mum's left me and some bastard's nicked me bike!

426
00:37:11,468 --> 00:37:16,031
- I told you not to leave it out on the landing, didn't I?
- Yes, I know.

427
00:37:19,900 --> 00:37:23,389
Don't be a defeatist.
These things are sent to try us.

428
00:37:23,424 --> 00:37:30,335
Why don't you take a leaf out of my book, eh?
Happy go lucky, never let life get me down.

429
00:37:31,062 --> 00:37:33,555
Use me as your role model.

430
00:37:33,590 --> 00:37:38,989
You? You must be joking!
Anyway, I don't need a mole...

431
00:37:40,312 --> 00:37:43,303
- A mole...
- Role! Role model.

432
00:37:44,921 --> 00:37:46,650
Role... model.

433
00:37:47,264 --> 00:37:50,487
I don't need one of them!
'Cause I am happy as I am!

434
00:37:52,904 --> 00:37:55,911
- See you later.
- Yeah, alright.

435
00:37:57,620 --> 00:38:01,660
- Any luck?
- No. I tried.

436
00:38:03,073 --> 00:38:05,464
You're a very nice person, Derek Trotter.

437
00:38:05,499 --> 00:38:08,319
Yeah, I know. It's one of my failures, that.
Always has been.

438
00:38:15,903 --> 00:38:20,452
I think Rodney's a very confused young man.
Confused and maybe a bit frightened.

439
00:38:20,638 --> 00:38:23,250
Frightened? What are you talking about?
He's a bloke!

440
00:38:23,407 --> 00:38:27,154
I know. And even 'blokes' get frightened!
Everyone's frightened of something!

441
00:38:27,394 --> 00:38:32,325
- Are they? What are you frightened of then?
- Shut up, you'll make me feel silly.

442
00:38:32,360 --> 00:38:38,328
No, seriously. What you frightened of?
Go on, tell me. I promise I won't laugh.

443
00:38:39,144 --> 00:38:40,576
The dark!

444
00:38:47,825 --> 00:38:50,425
- In the day, you're frightened of the dark?
- Yeah!

445
00:38:50,426 --> 00:38:57,851
Sometimes I lie in bed and the dark seems...
seems to be touching me.

446
00:38:59,169 --> 00:39:01,072
Stupid, eh?

447
00:39:08,640 --> 00:39:21,044
If you like, tonight when you're lying in bed...
in the dark... I could hold your hand.

448
00:39:27,539 --> 00:39:31,420
OK. Thank you.

449
00:39:32,935 --> 00:39:34,988
Come on then, drink up.

450
00:39:38,108 --> 00:39:40,837
My reputation in this area
isn't as good as I'd like it to be.

451
00:39:40,872 --> 00:39:43,767
So please don't tell anyone about this!
About us!

452
00:39:43,802 --> 00:39:46,446
Of course, I won't.
What sort of bloke d'you think I am?

453
00:39:46,795 --> 00:39:50,946
Raquel, this is between you and me.
This is between us!

454
00:39:59,431 --> 00:40:03,643
Oi, Del. You going?
I'll see you later.

455
00:40:05,060 --> 00:40:07,457
Rodney,
you can sleep in your own room tonight.

456
00:40:08,032 --> 00:40:09,887
Nice one, Derek!

457
00:40:10,170 --> 00:40:14,029
- Let's hear it for my man!
- Touchdown!

458
00:40:29,468 --> 00:40:32,335
<i>This is the six o'clock news from the BBC.</i>

459
00:40:41,003 --> 00:40:44,975
- What's that horrible racket?
- I'm listening to me radio.

460
00:40:45,184 --> 00:40:47,876
I can't sleep with all that noise going on!

461
00:40:51,791 --> 00:40:55,772
That's an amazing statement coming
from a man who slept through two world wars!

462
00:40:56,915 --> 00:41:01,838
I didn't do any sleeping during the war, Rodney!
I was out there on the big waves.

463
00:41:02,025 --> 00:41:07,021
Shell and fire, that was me.
They can make a film about my life story.

464
00:41:07,514 --> 00:41:09,740
Three Men in a Dinghy!

465
00:41:11,231 --> 00:41:14,154
So how you feeling now?
Has your hangover cleared up?

466
00:41:14,636 --> 00:41:17,848
- I didn't have hangover!
- So why didn't you go to work this morning?

467
00:41:17,883 --> 00:41:20,801
None of your business!
You're a nosey git, ain't you?

468
00:41:21,025 --> 00:41:23,510
No wonder they kept throwing you
out of the lifeboat!

469
00:41:23,545 --> 00:41:26,496
If that's the sort of rubbish
you listened to

470
00:41:28,392 --> 00:41:28,999
it's no wonder your wife
chucked you out your house!

471
00:41:29,034 --> 00:41:32,084
She did not chuck me out!
I left of my own accord.

472
00:41:33,771 --> 00:41:34,172
She's praying for me to go back!

473
00:41:34,207 --> 00:41:36,709
Spending a lot of time in church,
is she?

474
00:41:39,359 --> 00:41:39,715
Maybe that's why she's never in
when Raquel phones her.

475
00:41:40,183 --> 00:41:41,677
You're just tryin' to wind me up, ain't you?

476
00:41:42,075 --> 00:41:47,633
No I'm not, son, honest...
They found your bike yet?

477
00:41:47,668 --> 00:41:51,408
Get off my case, Albert!
I'm gonna get dressed!

478
00:42:10,748 --> 00:42:12,691
You seen my slippers, Raquel?

479
00:42:12,934 --> 00:42:16,157
You're wearing them, Albert.
What's wrong with Rodney?

480
00:42:16,192 --> 00:42:18,622
He's slamming drawers
and banging things around in there!

481
00:42:18,657 --> 00:42:21,274
I think he's still upset about him and Cassandra.

482
00:42:21,458 --> 00:42:25,081
I've tried to give him a few words
of encouragement, but nothing seems to work.

483
00:42:25,116 --> 00:42:26,607
At least you're trying.

484
00:42:30,107 --> 00:42:32,979
- Where's that idiot?
- He's getting dressed.

485
00:42:33,014 --> 00:42:35,620
- Are you alright, love?
- Yeah, I'm alright, sweetheart.

486
00:42:36,153 --> 00:42:43,683
I'm just suffering from the old
executive burn-out. I could murder a drink.

487
00:42:43,718 --> 00:42:45,468
Go on, sit down, I'll do it.

488
00:42:49,580 --> 00:42:52,645
- Talk to you, in private.
- Yeah, alright Del.

489
00:42:53,339 --> 00:42:56,280
- What about her?
- Don't worry about her, I'll think of something.

490
00:42:56,315 --> 00:42:58,578
- Will a brandy do, Del?
- Yes, cushty!

491
00:42:58,613 --> 00:43:03,555
On second thoughts, I'd like a nice mug of
decaffeinated coffee made in the percolator.

492
00:43:03,590 --> 00:43:06,009
- But that takes ages!
- Yes, I know! But it's much healthier, innit?

493
00:43:06,044 --> 00:43:07,731
Yeah, alright then.
D'you want a coffee, Albert?

494
00:43:07,766 --> 00:43:10,356
I'll have that brandy, save wasting it.

495
00:43:14,913 --> 00:43:16,729
What d'you wanna talk about then?

496
00:43:17,452 --> 00:43:22,145
Well first I'd like to find out how my bottle
of Courvoesire manages to pour itself!

497
00:43:22,446 --> 00:43:25,433
But that can wait. We got more
important things to discuss.

498
00:43:25,698 --> 00:43:29,345
I've just had a word with a mechanic
from the Peckham Exhaust Centre.

499
00:43:29,380 --> 00:43:33,395
Rodney took my van down this morning.
Apparently there's a new receptionist working there

500
00:43:33,430 --> 00:43:35,680
by the name of Tania.

501
00:43:35,715 --> 00:43:40,528
- and Rodney, the dipstick only asked her out on a date!
- You're kidding!

502
00:43:40,788 --> 00:43:44,715
I wish I was, Unc, I wish I was!
I am disgusted with him!

503
00:43:45,724 --> 00:43:47,363
What's this Tania girl look like?

504
00:43:47,398 --> 00:43:53,437
Well I wouldn't say no! What I mean, is,
she's an attractive enough and she's a nice enough girl.

505
00:43:53,472 --> 00:43:57,255
But that's not the point, is it?
If Rodney gets seen with this Tania sort

506
00:43:58,370 --> 00:44:02,750
it's gonna break Cassandra's heart
and then Rodney's gonna find himself with the sack!

507
00:44:03,234 --> 00:44:07,591
Yeah! And Alan won't do you anymore
of that cheap printing you flog to all your mates.

508
00:44:07,626 --> 00:44:11,150
No! That's got absolutely nothing to do with it!

509
00:44:11,471 --> 00:44:14,281
You said that's the only money
we've got coming into the flat!

510
00:44:14,316 --> 00:44:18,864
I'm only concern is for Cassandra
of Rodney's future happiness.

511
00:44:20,620 --> 00:44:23,712
Mind you that printing did bring in
a few bob, I must admit.

512
00:44:25,386 --> 00:44:29,845
I've gotta think of a way
in which I can put Rodney off this bird!

513
00:44:30,167 --> 00:44:31,947
So what you telling me for?

514
00:44:32,426 --> 00:44:34,929
I don't know. I was hoping
you might come up with an idea.

515
00:44:35,211 --> 00:44:39,420
Then again I was hoping that
Millwall would win the UEFA cup!

516
00:44:41,700 --> 00:44:45,325
Wait a minute. I've got it.
I've got an idea!

517
00:44:47,359 --> 00:44:54,969
When Rodney tells us about this date with this bird,
you and me have got to look absolutely horrified!

518
00:44:55,004 --> 00:44:58,843
As though it goes against
the whole of the Trotter family's moral code.

519
00:44:58,878 --> 00:45:02,886
- Oh, he'll never go for that!
- Yes, he will! You don't know him like I do.

520
00:45:06,767 --> 00:45:09,350
He's coming. Now don't forget,
you gotta look horrified!

521
00:45:09,385 --> 00:45:12,417
As though you've just seen a U-boat
off the starboard bow.

522
00:45:18,424 --> 00:45:20,299
Not yet!

523
00:45:25,408 --> 00:45:26,933
What's the matter with him?

524
00:45:27,480 --> 00:45:29,928
I don't know. He's at the brandy, look.

525
00:45:30,686 --> 00:45:33,380
Percolator's bubbling.
Fancy a coffee, Rodney?

526
00:45:33,587 --> 00:45:35,080
No thanks, Raquel, I'm going out.

527
00:45:35,603 --> 00:45:37,970
No! No!

528
00:45:42,483 --> 00:45:44,902
- Where you going, Rodney? Anywhere nice?
- To the pictures.

529
00:45:45,123 --> 00:45:46,841
That's it Rodney, that's it!

530
00:45:46,876 --> 00:45:51,316
Your marriage is going down the Swannee
and you bugger off to the flicks. Very good.

531
00:45:51,351 --> 00:45:55,686
- Why don't you just butt out, Del?
- Just as you like bruv, just as you like.

532
00:45:59,034 --> 00:46:02,635
- Going on your own?
- No, I'm going with someone.

533
00:46:07,490 --> 00:46:10,112
I'll whack you in a minute,
believe me!

534
00:46:12,181 --> 00:46:14,144
Who are you taking?
Cassandra?

535
00:46:14,340 --> 00:46:17,064
No, not Cassandra.
It's a girl.

536
00:46:17,099 --> 00:46:19,664
- A girl?
- A girl?

537
00:46:30,288 --> 00:46:34,753
Why d'you all keep repeating it?
You sound like Jive Bunny!

538
00:46:36,220 --> 00:46:39,543
I met a girl called Tania and I asked her to the pictures.
What's wrong with that?

539
00:46:41,804 --> 00:46:47,037
I don't believe I'm hearing this!
I just absolutely don't... Thank you, mine!

540
00:46:48,925 --> 00:46:50,761
You're a happily married man.

541
00:46:50,796 --> 00:46:52,852
Was a happily married man, Del.

542
00:46:52,887 --> 00:46:55,967
Then we left the registry office
and the magic seemed to faint.

543
00:46:56,271 --> 00:46:59,557
A happily married man
would be taking his wife to the pictures!

544
00:47:00,660 --> 00:47:03,915
- Well, why don't you?
- What?

545
00:47:04,285 --> 00:47:08,171
Take Cassandra. Give her a bell,
she might like to go.

546
00:47:08,206 --> 00:47:11,545
There wouldn't be room in the van
for Tania and Cassandra.

547
00:47:12,167 --> 00:47:15,609
I meant give Tania...
Will you shut up!

548
00:47:16,829 --> 00:47:20,503
Won't work Del.
Even our tastes in films differed.

549
00:47:20,815 --> 00:47:23,969
Cass used to like
heavy dramas and foreign films.

550
00:47:24,004 --> 00:47:27,252
The Grapes of Wrath
and Fellini classics, all that sort of stuff.

551
00:47:27,287 --> 00:47:30,573
- What are you going to see?
- Honey I Shrunk the Kids.

552
00:47:31,555 --> 00:47:34,534
It weren't my choice.
Tania wants to see it.

553
00:47:36,522 --> 00:47:44,598
Tania, Tania... Isn't that the old
bow-wow down at the exhaust centre?

554
00:47:44,633 --> 00:47:45,780
Yeah! She said she...

555
00:47:45,815 --> 00:47:48,323
What do you mean 'bow-wow'?
She's not a 'bow-wow'!

556
00:47:48,358 --> 00:47:51,425
Do me a favour, Rodney,
it's like a Rottweiler with a wig!

557
00:47:52,879 --> 00:47:55,993
Del, the Tania I'm talking
about is very pretty.

558
00:47:58,013 --> 00:48:00,248
Have you clocked the hooter on it?

559
00:48:02,492 --> 00:48:08,082
Me and Boycie had a bet once as to whether that was
her real nose or she'd had silicone injections.

560
00:48:08,649 --> 00:48:11,427
Have you ever actually spoken to this person?

561
00:48:11,462 --> 00:48:16,589
Yes, I said good morning to her once
but she didn't reply, she was too busy gnawing a bone.

562
00:48:17,183 --> 00:48:21,223
I think what Rodney's trying to say, Derek,
is that maybe, just maybe,

563
00:48:21,258 --> 00:48:23,587
this girl might have a nice personality.

564
00:48:23,844 --> 00:48:25,949
- Has she?
- No, not really.

565
00:48:26,759 --> 00:48:28,293
What are you going out with her for?

566
00:48:28,328 --> 00:48:31,706
- He's heard of her reputation, ain't he?
- I don't care about...

567
00:48:31,741 --> 00:48:33,609
Has she got a reputation?

568
00:48:33,644 --> 00:48:37,384
She's lived with a few blokes.
A darts team I heard.

569
00:48:37,627 --> 00:48:40,699
That is just the kind of old-fashioned,
chauvinistic attitude

570
00:48:40,734 --> 00:48:43,435
that keeps women second-class citizens
in this country!

571
00:48:43,470 --> 00:48:46,149
Listen Raquel, I'm doing this on purpose.

572
00:48:46,184 --> 00:48:48,467
Sometimes you can be such a sexist!

573
00:48:48,502 --> 00:48:52,441
You're not satisfied with tearing the poor girl
to shreds because she doesn't look like Kim Basinger!

574
00:48:52,476 --> 00:48:58,053
Oh no, you've got to do a character assassination
because, in the past, she's done exactly the same as you!

575
00:48:58,088 --> 00:49:00,949
Del's never lived with a darts team!

576
00:49:05,465 --> 00:49:09,177
You don't understand Raquel, I'm doing for re...
I'll tell you later.

577
00:49:09,212 --> 00:49:12,184
It's all very well for young men
to sow their wild oats.

578
00:49:12,219 --> 00:49:16,534
The more the merrier, shows they're red-blooded!
But if a girl does the same thing she's a slut!

579
00:49:16,569 --> 00:49:22,408
That's where you're wrong, Raquel!
Nowadays men can't sow their wild oats either.

580
00:49:22,443 --> 00:49:25,370
We've all seen the film for AIDS
on the television.

581
00:49:26,654 --> 00:49:33,160
That's my point, Rodney, you see?
Today women are very dodgy.

582
00:49:35,268 --> 00:49:40,103
- Women are dodgy?
- No, no, not you sweetheart! It's the others.

583
00:49:40,427 --> 00:49:45,683
How dare you lay the blame for a worldwide
epidemic at the feet of womankind!

584
00:49:45,718 --> 00:49:49,822
Raquel, if feet were the problem
Doctor Scholl could find a cure!

585
00:49:50,128 --> 00:49:53,533
I have never heard such stupid,
pig-ignorant views as yours!

586
00:49:53,568 --> 00:49:58,939
- Get him on to politics, Raquel, it'll blow your mind!
- What did you say?

587
00:49:58,974 --> 00:50:02,904
Derek, for your information
there is rather an ugly rumour going around.

588
00:50:02,939 --> 00:50:06,272
Is there? Well introduce it to Rodney,
he'll take it to the pictures!

589
00:50:06,999 --> 00:50:10,629
The rumour is that man is
the guilty party!

590
00:50:12,306 --> 00:50:15,284
Sorry, but that is where you are wrong, Raquel,
you see?

591
00:50:15,444 --> 00:50:19,755
On that commercial on the telly this bloke
walks into the disco, and then this bird comes...

592
00:50:19,790 --> 00:50:22,792
To hell with the telly!
Let's get one thing clear, Derek!

593
00:50:22,827 --> 00:50:28,027
Women played no part in the creation
of this plague! AIDS is like nylon, man-made!

594
00:50:34,110 --> 00:50:36,159
You've upset her now!

595
00:50:36,928 --> 00:50:39,991
I've upset her?
Riht, that's it, I'm outta here!

596
00:50:45,772 --> 00:50:48,951
One little row and you think
your marriage is breaking up.

597
00:50:48,986 --> 00:50:54,580
But it ain't, bruv. It ain't.
You can soon rekindle the old flame of passion.

598
00:50:55,033 --> 00:50:58,416
All you gotta do is take her a bottle of champagne,
a nice bunch of flowers.

599
00:50:59,144 --> 00:51:01,679
- That's a bit corny, innit?
- No, that's what I'd do.

600
00:51:02,464 --> 00:51:06,435
- She goes to evening school tonight, anyway.
- She might cancel it for you.

601
00:51:06,754 --> 00:51:12,236
You must be joking. Nothing gets in the way of her
and her stupid, rotten career!

602
00:51:12,555 --> 00:51:18,141
Tryin' to rekindle the flame in my marriage
is like giving the kiss of like to a rasher of bacon.

603
00:51:21,484 --> 00:51:25,988
Remember? He who dares wins?

604
00:51:26,534 --> 00:51:31,591
All you gotta do is you go around there
and you apologize to her. You just say you're sorry.

605
00:51:31,592 --> 00:51:34,245
And then she will say, she is sorry
to you.

606
00:51:34,463 --> 00:51:37,091
Before you know where you are
you've made up,

607
00:51:37,126 --> 00:51:42,304
you're more in love than you ever were before
and you might get a little bit!

608
00:51:44,035 --> 00:51:45,894
Everyone's a winner! Tete de veau!

609
00:51:47,080 --> 00:51:53,211
You might get a little bit!
Good God, it's like living with a Big Mac!

610
00:51:54,082 --> 00:51:57,699
Thsnk you very much, just for that
you cannot take my van!

611
00:51:57,734 --> 00:52:00,387
- Stuff your van, I will bus it!
- Good.

612
00:52:03,045 --> 00:52:05,018
That's the thanks I get,
innit, eh?

613
00:52:12,878 --> 00:52:17,140
Raquel, fancy going down the Nag's Head
for a few drinks?

614
00:52:17,175 --> 00:52:19,014
- With a creep like you?
- Yeah.

615
00:52:19,049 --> 00:52:21,696
- No thank you very much.
- Thank you.

616
00:52:24,877 --> 00:52:27,672
What a life, eh? What a life!

617
00:52:28,234 --> 00:52:36,906
Just a minute. That film he was talking about,
Honey I Shrunk the Kids. What cinema's is that on at?

618
00:52:37,139 --> 00:52:39,250
The ABC in the high street.

619
00:52:41,068 --> 00:52:43,726
And what's next door to that cinema?

620
00:52:44,274 --> 00:52:48,022
Cassandra's evening school!
And tonight's the night that she goes.

621
00:52:48,219 --> 00:52:51,608
But she might see Rodney
and this Tania girl queuing outside!

622
00:52:51,643 --> 00:52:57,588
Exactly. That's the whole point of it, innit?
That Dippy Rodney is only trying to make Cassandra jealous.

623
00:52:58,782 --> 00:53:01,755
He's taken the advice of that Mickey Pearce.

624
00:53:03,620 --> 00:53:07,362
He's had about as much success
with women as you've had with boats.

625
00:53:08,811 --> 00:53:14,081
I've gotta go round at Cassandra's and I've got
to try to persuade her not to go to the evening school.

626
00:53:14,082 --> 00:53:17,262
Yes, that's the answer to that.
I'll see you later Unc.

627
00:53:20,219 --> 00:53:22,591
- Del.
- Yeah, what is it, sweetheart?

628
00:53:23,486 --> 00:53:25,232
I'm sorry.

629
00:53:29,762 --> 00:53:31,602
Good. So am I.
So am I darling.

630
00:53:32,766 --> 00:53:35,659
Can we, you know, 'talk'?

631
00:53:38,890 --> 00:53:41,983
- I'll be as quick as I can.
- Well, you don't have to be!

632
00:53:43,793 --> 00:53:47,228
No, no, I just gotta pop
out for a minute.

633
00:53:47,480 --> 00:53:54,518
- But I wanted to 'talk'!
- Yeah, but this is very ery important, you see.

634
00:53:54,883 --> 00:53:56,525
Oh well, please yourself!

635
00:54:04,765 --> 00:54:07,443
Rodney's really upset her, ain't he?

636
00:54:44,637 --> 00:54:47,837
- Hello?
- Cassandra? It's Del Boy.

637
00:54:47,872 --> 00:54:50,075
Oh, hi Del. Pull the door.

638
00:55:06,804 --> 00:55:10,748
Hi sweetheart. I was just passing,
thought I'd pop in and see how you were.

639
00:55:10,783 --> 00:55:12,782
I'm fine. How are you?

640
00:55:12,817 --> 00:55:18,140
Couldn't be better.
A bit choked to hear about you and Rodney though.

641
00:55:18,175 --> 00:55:19,915
Yeah, well, it's just one of those things, eh?

642
00:55:19,950 --> 00:55:23,071
Yeah, one of them things.
You off to evening classes again?

643
00:55:23,106 --> 00:55:27,306
- Final exams in three weeks.
- Cushty!

644
00:55:27,743 --> 00:55:31,912
- How's Rodney?
- Bearing up.

645
00:55:32,366 --> 00:55:33,841
Have the police found his bike yet?

646
00:55:33,852 --> 00:55:36,940
No. He's toying with the idea
of getting another one.

647
00:55:37,339 --> 00:55:38,700
Where's he tonight?

648
00:55:39,727 --> 00:55:43,183
- He popped out earlier.
- Oh, well, I hope he has a good time.

649
00:55:43,402 --> 00:55:45,710
I mean, that's what he wants from life,
isn't it?

650
00:55:46,311 --> 00:55:52,263
Cassandra, I know what he really wants, and deep down
in your heart of hearts, I think you do and all.

651
00:55:52,611 --> 00:55:55,623
Well, he's only got to swallow
his stupid pride and ask.

652
00:55:55,658 --> 00:56:00,979
I know. I've tried to talk to him
but I just can't get through to him.

653
00:56:01,181 --> 00:56:06,784
Like my dear old Mum used to say,
'There's none so blind as them what won't listen.'

654
00:56:08,100 --> 00:56:09,330
Very true!

655
00:56:12,171 --> 00:56:14,766
Can't you two make it up somehow?

656
00:56:14,932 --> 00:56:19,132
Oh it's impossible, Del. Rodney won't budge
an inch on any given subject.

657
00:56:19,167 --> 00:56:20,890
He just fights me all the way.

658
00:56:20,925 --> 00:56:25,494
He doesn't like going to the bank's social evenings,
he gets bored with my friends - and he shows it!

659
00:56:25,714 --> 00:56:30,686
The other week I invited some colleagues round.
I cooked a lovely meal. I really tried hard, Del.

660
00:56:30,721 --> 00:56:33,367
You're a smashing cook, Cassandra.

661
00:56:33,527 --> 00:56:39,474
I remember that Moules Marinier that you made for us
last year. I can still taste it now.

662
00:56:40,481 --> 00:56:45,243
Anyway, one hour after we'd finished eating
Rodney decided it was time they all went home.

663
00:56:45,387 --> 00:56:50,449
So he started giving them subtle little hints
like yawning and checking his watch every 3 minutes.

664
00:56:50,655 --> 00:56:53,380
Finally he started whistling
the national anthem.

665
00:56:54,542 --> 00:56:56,833
Well, Rodney's never was
one for staying up late.

666
00:56:57,070 --> 00:56:59,283
This was Sunday lunch!

667
00:57:00,803 --> 00:57:04,750
Rodney's idea of socialising
is a night out at the pub with his mates.

668
00:57:04,915 --> 00:57:08,143
What idiot wants to spend
their evenings down the Nag's Head?

669
00:57:08,820 --> 00:57:10,508
Yeah, I mean who would?

670
00:57:11,185 --> 00:57:15,528
Rodney's so immature. It's never going to work
between us until he learns to grow up.

671
00:57:15,563 --> 00:57:16,891
You sure it's only him?

672
00:57:17,128 --> 00:57:19,502
I'm not behaving childishly
if that's what you're suggesting.

673
00:57:19,537 --> 00:57:23,473
- You haven't phoned him though.
- I'm not phoning him first! He started it!

674
00:57:23,802 --> 00:57:26,722
Must have taken years of experience
to come to that decision.

675
00:57:27,880 --> 00:57:29,907
These are nice earrings,
aren't they, Cassandra?

676
00:57:30,168 --> 00:57:33,062
They're lovely, aren't they?
Rodney gave them to me for my birthday.

677
00:57:33,735 --> 00:57:35,345
They're very little aren't they?

678
00:57:35,615 --> 00:57:40,140
That's what I like about them. I don't want a pair
of chandeliers hanging from my ears.

679
00:57:40,175 --> 00:57:41,956
These are perfect.

680
00:57:43,759 --> 00:57:45,709
- But Rodney said...
- Rodney said what?

681
00:57:45,744 --> 00:57:48,224
Nothing, nothing.
Forget it.

682
00:57:49,023 --> 00:57:55,060
I don't believe these two! I'd get more sense out
of a crossed line with the Krankies!

683
00:57:57,264 --> 00:58:02,959
Listen, I tell you what,
don't go to the evening classes tonight.

684
00:58:03,734 --> 00:58:05,911
Why don't you come out for a meal
with me and Raquel.

685
00:58:06,543 --> 00:58:11,452
You Dad told me about this great Chinese place,
they do a blinding Won Ton by all accounts.

686
00:58:11,487 --> 00:58:14,101
Maybe some other time.
I really must go tonight.

687
00:58:15,785 --> 00:58:19,522
I'll tell you what, I'll give you a lift,
and I'll drop you right outside the door.

688
00:58:19,557 --> 00:58:21,303
But it's only 50 yards
from the car park.

689
00:58:21,338 --> 00:58:24,078
Yes, I know, but you don't wanna walk past
that cinema queue!

690
00:58:24,236 --> 00:58:28,101
- Why not?
- It'll be full of yobs and all that, won't it?

691
00:58:32,253 --> 00:58:34,920
Just give me a minute,
I wanna ask you something. Sit down there.

692
00:58:36,513 --> 00:58:42,542
Have you ever had a nightmare
that Rodney's been out with another girl?

693
00:58:43,066 --> 00:58:44,185
No!

694
00:58:44,220 --> 00:58:53,440
Well I have! Just for argument's sake, tell me
what would your reaction be if you did?

695
00:58:54,271 --> 00:58:56,172
What, Rodney with another girl?

696
00:58:57,513 --> 00:58:59,035
That wouldn't bother me.

697
00:58:59,070 --> 00:59:02,427
Oh good, 'cos Rodney's taken
another bird to the pictures tonight.

698
00:59:03,044 --> 00:59:08,063
He's done what?
No! Rodney wouldn't do that!

699
00:59:08,098 --> 00:59:13,025
Yes he would. He's done it
to make you jealous, you see.

700
00:59:13,187 --> 00:59:18,842
He was hoping for you to see him and this Tania bird
standing in the cinema queue.

701
00:59:18,877 --> 00:59:23,348
- I said to him, Cassandra's far too intelligent to...
- Who the hell's Tania?

702
00:59:24,436 --> 00:59:26,547
Tania, well... She's the girl from the...

703
00:59:26,582 --> 00:59:29,710
It was just a silly disagreement,
that's all!

704
00:59:29,745 --> 00:59:35,844
- I thought you said it wouldn't bother you!
- It doesn't! The bastard! I love him!

705
00:59:35,879 --> 00:59:37,633
He loves you too!

706
00:59:37,818 --> 00:59:39,382
Oh it looks like it!

707
00:59:39,417 --> 00:59:43,163
We only had a row about badminton
and he's started an affair with another woman!

708
00:59:43,198 --> 00:59:46,647
No he hasn't, he's only taking some tart
to see Honey I Shrunk the Kids!

709
00:59:47,024 --> 00:59:48,942
I wanted to see that!

710
00:59:49,724 --> 00:59:51,006
Oh God!

711
01:00:04,913 --> 01:00:07,272
You're taking this very well, Cassandra.

712
01:00:07,821 --> 01:00:09,391
Thanks for telling me, Del.

713
01:00:12,996 --> 01:00:15,415
I couldn�t see you
walk into an ambush, could I?

714
01:00:15,672 --> 01:00:20,809
- It's only a silly way of trying to get you back.
- Getting me back for what?

715
01:00:21,130 --> 01:00:24,065
No, not getting you back for something!
Getting you back with him.

716
01:00:24,339 --> 01:00:26,895
But I haven't gone anywhere!
I'm still here!

717
01:00:26,930 --> 01:00:29,908
I know you have, sweetheart,
I know you are...

718
01:00:34,004 --> 01:00:36,869
Don't forget it.
Don't go to evening classes tonight.

719
01:00:37,117 --> 01:00:39,563
No, I'll go round
to my friend Emma's house.

720
01:00:39,598 --> 01:00:43,567
That's a good idea. We'll keep
this just between ourselves, eh?

721
01:00:43,602 --> 01:00:47,794
We won't tell the neighbours
or your Dad about it, will we?

722
01:00:48,987 --> 01:00:51,926
Good girl, you know it makes sense.

723
01:00:53,436 --> 01:00:57,106
- What time will you be back?
- I don't know. Late. Why?

724
01:00:57,141 --> 01:01:01,625
I'll get Raquel to give you a ring,
to cheer you up a bit.

725
01:01:02,203 --> 01:01:04,524
'Cause her marriage broke up and all...

726
01:01:07,200 --> 01:01:11,910
What I mean is, she'll understand
what you're going through. That's all I meant.

727
01:01:14,194 --> 01:01:16,505
- Are you alright sweetheart?
Yes, I'm alright.

728
01:01:16,540 --> 01:01:21,607
- I gotta be away. I'll talk to you later.
- OK. And thanks, Del.

729
01:01:39,010 --> 01:01:44,352
- You won't do anything silly, will you?
- No, I'm fine!

730
01:01:45,406 --> 01:01:47,188
Lovely jubbly.

731
01:01:54,623 --> 01:01:56,636
I didn't know what you were doing.

732
01:02:09,280 --> 01:02:13,474
Bloody Korean rubbish! I wish I hadn't put these
'made in Britain' stickers on 'em now!

733
01:02:13,699 --> 01:02:15,802
Sorry, what did you say, sweetheart?

734
01:02:15,837 --> 01:02:18,583
Earlier this evening, When you
were saying those horrible things about women.

735
01:02:19,002 --> 01:02:21,470
I didn't realise you were trying
to frighten Rodney out of his date.

736
01:02:21,505 --> 01:02:23,040
Didn't work though, did it?

737
01:02:23,210 --> 01:02:25,383
I couldn't see Rodney being unfaithful,
could you?

738
01:02:25,811 --> 01:02:27,794
- No.
He's not that stupid, is he?

739
01:02:27,829 --> 01:02:32,069
Yeah, he's stupid enough,
he just never has any success with birds!

740
01:02:32,104 --> 01:02:34,968
That bloke has been blown out
more times than a wind sock!

741
01:02:35,404 --> 01:02:36,557
During the war.

742
01:02:36,592 --> 01:02:39,374
- Cor, look at the time.
- Midnight already.

743
01:02:39,629 --> 01:02:44,905
A crewmate of mine, Sky Piggott,
died of a sexually related condition.

744
01:02:47,801 --> 01:02:52,701
- Yeah?
- Yeah, his girlfriend's husband shot him!

745
01:02:56,581 --> 01:02:58,579
I wish somebody shot you!

746
01:03:02,264 --> 01:03:04,307
Trotters Independent Traders.

747
01:03:04,495 --> 01:03:08,638
- Del? It's me.
- You, is it, Rodney? What do you want?

748
01:03:08,795 --> 01:03:10,770
- I've been thinking.
- Have ya?

749
01:03:10,805 --> 01:03:13,906
Hang about, I'll call a press conference
for tomorrow morning.

750
01:03:14,203 --> 01:03:18,275
Del, listen. I ain't been drinking.
See?

751
01:03:19,861 --> 01:03:23,111
Are you sure?
No you haven't. Go on then.

752
01:03:23,146 --> 01:03:28,502
I've been doing a bit of growing up.
And I've realised that you were right and I was wrong.

753
01:03:28,537 --> 01:03:33,252
There you are, you see?I know I was right!
I told you I was right, but you wouldn't listen.

754
01:03:33,438 --> 01:03:37,302
I did listen! I've bought some champagne
and roses for Cassy.

755
01:03:37,337 --> 01:03:41,009
That's a bit corny and a bit late!

756
01:03:41,185 --> 01:03:44,563
You should have thought that before
you took this Tania bird to the pictures.

757
01:03:44,732 --> 01:03:48,242
- You can't turn the clock back, Rodney.
- No, I didn't take Tania out.

758
01:03:48,458 --> 01:03:50,247
It doesn't really matter
where you took her, you see.

759
01:03:51,444 --> 01:03:54,163
You didn't take Tania out?

760
01:03:54,198 --> 01:04:00,383
No. I thought of all the things you said.
So I phoned her and told her I was a married man.

761
01:04:00,650 --> 01:04:03,561
And I told her I was still very much
in love with my wife...

762
01:04:03,596 --> 01:04:05,462
Does it sound a bit yukky?

763
01:04:05,863 --> 01:04:11,139
Yes. Yes, Rodney,
that sounds absolutely horrible.

764
01:04:12,142 --> 01:04:16,819
Then I thought, why am I saying all this
a total stranger? I should be telling my wife!

765
01:04:17,242 --> 01:04:18,857
So that's what I'm gonna do.

766
01:04:18,892 --> 01:04:21,283
Yeah, that's t'riffic Rodney!
But...

767
01:04:21,318 --> 01:04:27,626
Listen, don't go round back to the flat right?
'Cause Cassandra isn't in, you see.

768
01:04:27,661 --> 01:04:33,662
I know, I'm back at the flat now.
I'll just wait for her. Who's hurrying, eh?

769
01:04:34,036 --> 01:04:37,206
He's back at the flat?
You're back at the flat now, are you?

770
01:04:37,809 --> 01:04:41,052
Listen, Rodney.
I've gotta tell you something.

771
01:04:41,293 --> 01:04:46,594
- You've done enough for me for one day Del.
- Listen Rodney, I've got to say something to ya!

772
01:04:46,629 --> 01:04:49,668
- There's something I want to say to you, Del.
- What is it?

773
01:04:51,828 --> 01:04:53,663
I Love you, Del Boy!

774
01:04:56,510 --> 01:04:58,342
You dipstick!

775
01:05:03,149 --> 01:05:07,742
- What's happened?
- Rodney, He's only gone back to his flat, ain't he?

776
01:05:07,939 --> 01:05:08,887
Well that's good - isn't it?

777
01:05:08,908 --> 01:05:12,470
No, it is not good, Raquel.
It is very very ungood!

778
01:05:13,946 --> 01:05:17,713
I can't get through.
He must have taken the phone of the hook!

779
01:05:17,748 --> 01:05:19,487
Perhaps the line's engaged.

780
01:05:19,522 --> 01:05:22,399
The only thing that's engaged
is Rodney's hormones!

781
01:05:22,648 --> 01:05:26,678
I don't understand this. You've been telling Rodney
to go back to Cassandra for ages.

782
01:05:26,713 --> 01:05:31,605
Yes, I know that. That was before he took Tania
to see Honey I Shrunk the Bloody Kids!

783
01:05:31,640 --> 01:05:34,021
But you just said Rodney
didn't take Tania out!

784
01:05:34,056 --> 01:05:38,598
Yes, he didn't! But, you see, Cassandra,
she thinks he did!

785
01:05:38,849 --> 01:05:40,667
What makes her think that?

786
01:05:44,480 --> 01:05:49,973
I don't know, do I?
Someone must have told her, I suppose.

787
01:05:51,009 --> 01:05:53,328
Oh, Del, you didn't?

788
01:05:54,005 --> 01:05:57,825
I couldn't help it.
I was only doing it for her!

789
01:05:58,036 --> 01:06:01,064
I couldn't see the poor little mare
walk past the cinema queue

790
01:06:01,099 --> 01:06:04,705
and see her husband groping
Miss Kwik-Fit, could I?

791
01:06:06,022 --> 01:06:10,228
I didn't want to see Cassandra hurt,
I mean she's family.

792
01:06:13,006 --> 01:06:16,909
I'm gotta go round their flat
and see if I can catch Cassandra

793
01:06:16,944 --> 01:06:25,669
and say to her that I made a mistake.
And do it before she sets eyes on that wally!

794
01:06:26,986 --> 01:06:28,903
Why does he have to interfere?

795
01:06:29,844 --> 01:06:35,087
It's his nature.
Still, proves his heart's in the right place.

796
01:06:36,265 --> 01:06:38,298
Pity about his brain.

797
01:07:14,712 --> 01:07:16,557
I've come home!

798
01:07:16,950 --> 01:07:18,362
You..!

799
01:07:18,519 --> 01:07:21,069
Cassandra, will you just give me a minute
to explain?

800
01:07:21,640 --> 01:07:25,349
Get out of here Rodney.
Go to bloody Tania, or whatever her name is.

801
01:07:25,384 --> 01:07:29,687
Tania? I don't know anyone called Tania!
Is that a man or a woman?

802
01:07:29,722 --> 01:07:32,946
Oh, don't try and deny it Rodney.
Del told me all about the two of you.

803
01:07:32,981 --> 01:07:34,423
Well he is lying!

804
01:07:34,458 --> 01:07:37,307
- She works for the Peckham Exhaust Centre!
- Lovely evening, innit?

805
01:07:37,705 --> 01:07:40,920
- Shall I get a vase for them roses?
- Stuff the roses!

806
01:07:41,745 --> 01:07:45,882
Cass, if you just calm down for one minute
you'd realise this was all a big mistake!

807
01:07:45,917 --> 01:07:47,632
Our marriage was a big mistake!

808
01:07:47,667 --> 01:07:51,004
Cass, we always said, if we had a problem
we would sit down...

809
01:07:51,039 --> 01:07:53,210
Just bugger off, Rodney!

810
01:07:58,252 --> 01:07:59,611
She's back then?

811
01:08:00,143 --> 01:08:02,878
Why, Del? Why did you tell her?

812
01:08:03,639 --> 01:08:06,169
I had to, Rodney.
To save her from any pain.

813
01:08:06,204 --> 01:08:09,286
And what about me? She's just whacked me
in the shin with her badminton racquet!

814
01:08:09,607 --> 01:08:12,064
- Don't you raise your voice...
- It's gone midnight!

815
01:08:12,155 --> 01:08:14,875
Well, go back to bed then!

816
01:08:25,607 --> 01:08:28,239
Just calm yourself down, alright?

817
01:08:28,274 --> 01:08:34,168
You! You of all people grassed me up!
And you grassed me for something I didn't even do!

818
01:08:34,670 --> 01:08:40,154
Have you any idea what Cassandra's reaction
would have been if she'd seen you with that Tania?

819
01:08:40,189 --> 01:08:43,537
Yes, she's just given me
a bloody good example of it!

820
01:08:43,879 --> 01:08:46,283
I wasn't gonna take Tania out!

821
01:08:46,318 --> 01:08:48,985
I'd changed me mind
before I got to the bottom of the lift!

822
01:08:49,020 --> 01:08:52,774
I just made a stupid threat
out of anger and frustration!

823
01:08:54,055 --> 01:08:57,003
- You said...
- I know what I said!

824
01:08:57,220 --> 01:09:00,588
But there's a world of difference
between saying and doing, isn't there?

825
01:09:00,765 --> 01:09:03,780
If I'd gone to the police every time you said
you were gonna kill me

826
01:09:03,815 --> 01:09:06,505
you'd still be slopping out in Parkhurst!

827
01:09:06,540 --> 01:09:11,447
Thanks to you my wife now thinks I'm having
a passionate affair with the siren of the exhaust centre

828
01:09:11,482 --> 01:09:13,765
and you've offended my neighbors!

829
01:09:13,800 --> 01:09:16,850
- People are trying to sleep!
- Shut up!

830
01:09:17,766 --> 01:09:27,996
Calm down, just calm down, alright?
Alright, fair enough. I'm sorry.

831
01:09:29,088 --> 01:09:30,742
Sorry?

832
01:09:30,962 --> 01:09:34,796
Yes, I'm sorry!

833
01:09:38,820 --> 01:09:44,067
- Is there anything I can do to help?
- Yes, piss off!

834
01:09:45,344 --> 01:09:48,550
You just listen to me,
you ungrateful little dipstick!

835
01:09:48,725 --> 01:09:53,743
I struggle over here in the middle of the night
just to help you. And I was on a promise!

836
01:09:54,563 --> 01:09:57,915
And you listen to me.
I don't want your help!

837
01:09:57,950 --> 01:10:01,749
I don't want your favours,
your assistance or your advice!

838
01:10:02,028 --> 01:10:04,714
I don't want nothing off you
for the rest of my life!

839
01:10:07,396 --> 01:10:13,133
I was only tryin' to do
the best for Cassandra and you.

840
01:10:13,168 --> 01:10:16,350
Yeah, and make sure
you got all that printing done on the cheap!

841
01:10:19,683 --> 01:10:23,127
You don't really believe that,
do you, Rodney?

842
01:10:24,948 --> 01:10:26,517
Probably not.

843
01:10:29,958 --> 01:10:31,651
See you.

844
01:10:51,735 --> 01:10:57,535
- Del!
- What?

845
01:10:58,440 --> 01:11:02,168
- I've locked myself out!
- Done what?

846
01:11:02,203 --> 01:11:04,042
I've left my key upstairs!

847
01:11:04,218 --> 01:11:06,928
Press the buzzer on the intercom
and tell Cassandra.

848
01:11:06,963 --> 01:11:08,504
She won't let me in!

849
01:11:08,539 --> 01:11:10,792
No, I know, but it might cheer her up a bit.

850
01:11:16,026 --> 01:11:18,554
This whole thing hasn't gone
quite as well as I hoped.

851
01:11:22,542 --> 01:11:28,773
That's jealousy for you, bruv!
Very dangerous thing.

852
01:11:30,526 --> 01:11:32,944
We've naused it right up, ain't we?

853
01:11:33,580 --> 01:11:35,072
So, what's new?

854
01:11:38,867 --> 01:11:40,948
What am I gonna do, Del?

855
01:11:50,602 --> 01:11:56,225
Come on, Rodney. Come on.
Let's go home.

856
01:12:22,353 --> 01:12:26,565
<i>Subtitles by
NVL</i>

857
01:12:26,615 --> 01:12:31,165
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Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0